Getting ahead

Pathetic inday is OVER!!

say hello tomorrow!!

Im starting my Post graduate studies, Masters in Foreign Service at the Lyceum of the Philippines University this first of September. After 3 weeks of searching for a place, at long last I found what I consider my new redemption place for the next months. I got a new Bicolana roomate. Mastering my tagalog is difficult, i must admit. I couldn't just laugh without explaining to her why. I tend to talk to her in bisaya. I think i have to overcome my being claustrophobic since my new dormitory is depriving us from air and sunlight though at the cost of 3,200 php i get to watch the daily news, telenovelas and studio 23. Yes, we have our own telly courtesy of our landlords. Oh, i forgot to mention we have a 10hr use of airconditioner and exclusive rights to my tornado fan. A relief I must say.

Now, im all set for school. I just need a job. I think working in coffee bean or starbucks is cool, dont you think?

Im in a new world order again! All the luck to me!!

I hate this part right here

I assume everybody knew by now what happened to my personal/ love life. I just realized the last time I updated my blog was about mmmm…my wedding. Now I guess I have to write another chapter. This blog should contain the honeymoon stage, the after wedding bliss, the life being a huh wifey...

Fast forward.

I don’t want to get into the gory and depressing details. Yes, I haven’t fully recovered. I'm giving myself time to heal. There is no deadline as to when to stop getting senti.

For weeks, my recovery mechanism was tanduay or the bar. Tagays with banot, ate che and holden started as early as 4 in the afternoon till the wee hours. I get to sleep soundly without hiding in the bathroom, turn on the faucet so no one would hear me and pour out my tears. Alcohol has somehow helped me not to get too emotional, not to pity myself, not to listen to love songs, not to watch sappy movies and not to read his letters. Lonely nights without the liver-killer would only make me stare at my ceiling, talk to my pillow and try to grasp the reality. I cried alone, cried with friends, cried over meal, cried watching the news and even cried taking a shower. Then I found out that getting drunk makes me emotionless.

If you've checked my Friendster account lately, my pictures would tell you that I have moved on, or I seem cheerful and enjoying life. Drinking. Laughing. Somehow, I managed to fake it. The old Jef has come to life again. I admit, I missed the fun, I missed myself. But when I am alone and when the effects of alcohol fade, magtanga nalang si Inday.I wish I will not have to go through with this "thinking stage". It sucks!

I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I don’t want them bombarding me with questions on what happened to my marriage. I don’t want them asking me what I will do next. I just don’t want to. I'm still in the process of healing, of grasping the idea that my marriage is so not okay. I am not ready to share everything yet because it still hurts. It still hurts revealing my tale when it doesn’t have a happy ending- yet! I'm talking about people who just like to gossip.

So here I am trying to be better. Thankfully, I have an incredible support system. You keep my sanity in place. Thank you is not enough to show how much I appreciate your constant reality checks, counseling and for crying with me. You make healing faster. You make me realize that I am stronger than I thought.

At present, Inday is taking one step at a time. Inday seems to pursue what she thinks she really wanted. Inday is moving forward. Inday is pursuing her postgraduate studies. Inday is searching for a job! Yalah..yalah…yalah..Si Inday ay magsasalita na nang Tagalog! gggrrrhhh

kasal, kasali, kasalo

wedding final update:

When: April 13 at 10 am

Where: Sindangan

Why: Sindangan kay we couldn't find a judge or a mayor somewhere in Cebu. Gihalughug na ni tito mga towns nearby Cebu City sadly, everyone declined because of the very short notice. Nico will fly back to France by the 15th.

How to get there: I wish i can rent a private jet to fly you all to Sindangan. Please dont boycott your Bantayan escapade because of this. I will really feel guilty. I would love to see you guys in the wedding but you planned the vacay na months ago pa.

PS

Bums! Salamat kaayu sa inyong paghagu-hagu. I know you were all shock. Ako pod. I just knew the wedding date this afternoon. Because of Nico's nature of work, he gets information regarding vacations only 3 days before the vacay. So mao ni sya, tanan rush!!! Pasensya na kaayu sa short notice. Im really greatful for all your support as in to the max!!! sa wedding planners nako, thank you jud. I hope you will understand. We will have a bigger wedding celebration this year and you all get to wear your gowns, make-up and have the reason to shop, diet and file a leave of absence.


I'll see you there!!!

starstruck update

so....the Ang Babaeng Hinugot sa aking Tadyang star didn't show up! sayang amung panglimpyo!!!!!!

starstruck

There's a rumor going in town. Celebrities namely Pauleen Luna, Sheryll Fuentes, Dingdong Dantes, and of course the bisdak Max Surban (i dont know how to spell his name) will be here in Sindangan.

My uncle, General Alexander Yano, who will be retiring from the army general post along with other military officials will sponsor a medical outreach drive here in my beloved hometown. This is in line with the PMA's anniversary. (FYI: he is a native Sindanganon!)

Who would expect that Dingdong Dantes will render his perfectly sculptured body to help in the said medical mission or the least please my fellow Sindanganons.

Of course, i was bewildered. Especially when they will be staying in my house!! What???? Yes, you may think im just making a fuss, i understand. It sounds too good to be true. But a reliable source of mine-that is my uncle-called up and asked if they can stay for a night here. Sa way pag two-by-two, i said YES!!!! Why not coconut?

I'm willing to do "operation linis" just to accommodate them. My two aunts here (nicknamed the big and small) are very excited. They said they don't mind disinfecting the house just to see Dingdong. They clearly emphasized Dingdong! Oh well, I don't blame them.

Our house will be fully booked since other generals from the army will be staying here too. Apparently, our house will be the new soldiers' haven, surrounded by men with uniform. How cool is that! or scary since I'll be seeing goons in every corner.

Just a month ago army officials stayed here too. No exagerration, our house was the nth infantry batallion headquarter. It was literally jampacked with soldiers not to mention the other 20 something soldiers guarding our house. It was cool though knowing that you are safe even from irong buang.

However, there is no confirmation yet if the 12th sexiest man in the world will spend a night in Sindangan. So most probably he will leave as soon as his duty ends.

So, I don't have high hopes welcoming him in my house. What I know is the bisaya novelty singer, Max Surban , will definitely stay here.

I just wish di masayang among panglimpyo!!!!

skype

I love weekends.

It means skype time. I thank skype for the convenience. Its inexpensive, it doesn't make your voice choppy and doesn't make you look like a ghost. But most of all, it doesn't make me feel im talking to my man in the internet. It's just like talking with him in a cafe, staring at each other.

Internet communication made easy.

Mulan is yet again excited to talk to that enormous green cartoon character in France.

For the meantime, im listening to this French song, the first song he taught me which lyrics now i completely understand.

Aisha

Comme si je n'existais pas,

elle est passיe א cפtי de moi

Sans un regard, reine de "Saba",

j'ai dit Aןcha prends tout est pour toi

Voici les perles les bijoux,

aussi l'or autour de ton cou Les fruits,

biens mrs au got de miel, ma vie,

Aןcha si tu m'aimes

J'irai oש ton souffle nous mטne,

dans les pays d'ivoire et des baignes

J'effacerai tes larmes ou tes peines,

rien n'est trop beau pour une si belle

Aןcha, Aןcha יcoute moi,

Aןcha, Aןcha t'en vas pas

Aןcha,Aןcha regarde moi,

Aןcha, Aןcha rיponds-moi

Je dirai les mots les poטmes,

je jouerai les musiques du ciel

Je prendrai les rayons du soleil,

pour יclairer tes yeux de reine

Aןcha, Aןcha יcoute moi,

Aןcha, Aןcha t'en vas pas Aןcha,

Aןcha regarde moi,

Aןcha, Aןcha rיponds-moi

Elle m'a dit: "Garde tes tresors,

moi je vaux mieux que tout חa

Des barreaux sont des barreaux,

mךme en or Je veux les mךmes droits que toi

Du respect pour chaque jour,

moi je ne veux que de l'amour

" Comme si je n'existai pas, elle est passיe א cפtי de moi

Sans un regard, reine de "Saba"י,

j'ai dit Aןcha prends tout est pour toi

Aןcha, Aןcha יcoute moi,

Aןcha, Aןcha יcoute moi Aןcha,

Aןcha t'en vas pas, Aןcha,

Aןcha, regarde moi Aןcha,

Nega vibe???

My decisions define me. I may not have the support of everybody in this BIG STEP but I'm fighting, struggling and wishing to get things done.

They don’t have to tell me what's in their minds or their concerns but I know they are full of hesitations, doubts and even questions whether I made the right decision or if I need intervention. I do appreciate their concerns because it made me tougher and less emotional. Actually, I'm more proud now of myself and my decisions because of you.

I may not be able to prove to them right now that I am happy with my decision but I know that in time they will be able to understand me and even be proud of me.

Loving someone is never easy. I don’t pretend that my relationship is perfect. I believe there is no such thing. Mine is not nearly perfect either. What I have now is a relationship that is no bullshit. I am proud that we fight, I am proud that we have petty arguments and I am proud that we cry. Because I believe that love is not all the time cloud nine. But people see it as a negative aspect in a relationship. I respect their opinions. I don’t need to prove to anybody anything. I am not obliged to. However, I just want to know why! Why the sooooooo nega vibe?

Despite these trials, we remain strong. Thank you Tito for your love, ate Cita and the gang for fighting for me, ate BB for making impossible things happen and my friends (you know who you are) for making me feel not alone in this journey.

Merci beaucoup mon mari pour le bonheur, pour les toutes.

Je t'aime.אני אוהבת אותך