Feel you

Why was there no smile? Why do you seem so lonely?

I wanted to comfort you last night but you seem so distant. In turn, I was hesitant to show my affection. I wanted to just hold your hand and squeeze it tight to make you fee that I was there, just to let you feel my presence. I wanted to throw myself at you because it was the longest time since I saw you. It was the longest time that I have heard you tell stories. I guess I just missed you so bad. It was agonizing for me for the pat weeks, God knows.

It was a bit awkward last night, even more awkward compared to the first time I had breakfast with you when you returned from your provincial assignment. I wanted to stare at your etes for a little bit longer but I just couldn't. I wanted to show you that naughty smile of mine which only two of us understand but I had reservations. I wanted to just look at you while you talk and watch you smile every once in a while. 

But should I complain? No. Just by seeing you next to me gives me a different kind of joy. Just by being there seated next to you, closer to you, and listening to stories that happened at your work make me feel undeniably exultant.

Only if I I could have it another way, it would have been better. But there, that very moment, being there with you is one of those nights I treasure. Because every moment counts, every single moment can not be traded. No matter how lame it may sound for others, I do not care. What matters most is giving importance to that very moment because it may not come again. It may happen just once, with the person dearest to me.

   If only I can borrow your days for Dumaguete

Last Monday I went to Dumaguete. I didn't want to come back just yet because I made a promise to someone that the next time I'll go there it will be with that special someone. But that day before, something happened.

As I smell the sea breeze of Sibulan port, I know I'm in a different place. A place where everything is beautiful. Where memories were made and stories were shared. Where the people you come to know have always been part of your life. Where everywhere you look seems so wonderful, perfect and refreshing. Where while you reminisce, you also wish that you can share this incredibly amazing place and the romantic aura it brings to the person dearest to you.

I made a promise to someone. Just like I made a promise when I left Dumaguete right after graduation. In fact, it was a promise to myself that I will return not just once. But I will return and I will keep on returning whether there may be a special occasion, an ordinary day or whenever I feel like I need a breather. Other than the personal reasons and promises to myself, I promised that one day I will share Dumaguete to a person special to me. That I can let that special someone experience the different joy Dumaguete has brought me. And just recently, I made a promise to this special person. 

Not just because I want to spend time alone with my personal DJ that's why I want to take that someone to Dumaguete. More than that, I want Mr DJ to fall in love with the place I have been falling in love with. Even for the borrowed days. I want Mr DJ to take time to cherish the cool breeze of the boulevard, stare blankly at the sea while eating balut, admire the oldies walk hand in hand and seat under the acacia tree while enjoying the romantic sun as it sets. 

The next day, I want to introduce Mr DJ to Dr. Horace Silliman- my alma mater by the sea. The hundreds of acacia trees will make Mr DJ fall in love with the scenery. That all you want to do the whole afternoon is lay blanket under the shade, play your favorite music or just talk. Mr DJ would love my favorite spot in the campus- the Amphi Theatre- fronting Silliman Church. Way back in college, we go there with guitar and sing our hearts out and free our inhibitions.

You want adventure? I think Mr DJ lacks the sense of adventure for the longest time now. So, I want to unleash the adventurous child in you. Let's head to Apo Island where you will see the beauty of creatures underwater. You will love talking to the locals there, very friendly. Food you say? Be ready with your gastronomic encounter. Jump off from the Big Rock and let go of the negative thoughts. Just be child again. Be playful and adventurous. 

No matter how tired your body will be, I'd convince you to go to Hayahay, a resto bar near the boulevard where local artists perform with their sublime songs. Mondays are acoustic night, your voice will come in handy. I wont let the night end without letting you sing. Lastly, its vibrant vibe and crowd will surely make you feel at home. 

I will not try hard to let you enjoy your days in Dumaguete. But I will make sure you will never leave Dumaguete without wanting to come back again. I wish that the charm that Dumaguete has brought to me and to many will have the same effect on you. I will trade anything for those borrowed days just to see you wear that genuinely happy smile. So when somebody mentions about Dumaguete, you will not just smile because you remember me but most importantly, the unforgettable experience you once had with Dumaguete.

Momentarily, I'm wishing that I can borrow those days, just before daylight comes.. Heaven knows....

I'm left with one question: can you let me borrow your days for Dumaguete?

Sigh...

You may have turned your back at me. You may have walked away from me. It  wasn't  one of those happy  days. I was motionless. I was bleeding. But the truth is, despite of it all, I will always remember those borrowed days. I wish you happy days. I have a feeling you will never forget those borrowed days as well.

The End

It was the saddest goodbye. 

You may not feel how deeply shattered I was when I saw your eyes speaking to me that what we should end our story. I saw it coming. I felt it. However, I was still holding on to that mantra of ours--to live by the moment. 

For you, I may be just another person who happen to pass by in your life. I may be just one of those persons who you feel you have an unspoken connection with. I may be just be one of those moments when you feel you are happier. 


It is a different story for me.

I maybe one of those persons who happen to pass by in your life. BUT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE SPECIAL TO ME. I AM JUST AROUND AND HERE TO STAY.

I may be just one of those persons who you feel you have an unspoken connection with. A CONNECTION THAT WILL LIVE.

I may be just one of those moments when you feel you are happier. MOMENTS THAT GIVE ME THE SWEETEST SMILES AND INCREDIBLY HAPPIEST TIMES.


Just may be. I still hope that we were in the same rhythm and playing the same song.

I admit, somehow I was ready for it. I was convincing myself all along that this is only just short-lived, a spur of the moment. It wasn't just another story. It wasn't just another relationship. I know somehow even how quick and how complicated it was, there was something that no one would understand. 

I didn't want you to see me wear my saddest face. I didn't want you to feel how sorrowful I was. I didn't want you to feel that I was bleeding.

Only if things were different.
Only if things were easier.
Only if those moments we lived by had its reply.

 You are wonderful. I thought you have to know that. 

Mondays

For many it is the most dreading day of the week. The day when you do not want your alarm clock to sound. The day when you want to hide your head inside your sheets and cover your ears with pillows. The day when you wish weekend is not yet over.

However, I have a different take on Mondays.  I love the day after Sunday. I love even just the thought of it. The excitement it brings me is unfathomable especially when Sunday sun sets in.  

When the Monday daylight touches my skin, my eyes brighten and the corners of my mouth slightly curve. Smile. Beam. Smirk.  So obvious.

I love Mondays because it is when the most anticipated morning hello from someone that I have waited for the longest day has finally awakens me up.  I love Mondays because when my phone rings I know you have also waited for Monday to say your sweetest hello. I love Mondays because even just in the messages you send with smiley icons, I can already imagine your bewitching grin and captivating stare-the one that drives you to wake up despite the early hour. I love Mondays because it reminds me of those mornings when you turn your body towards me, stare at my face then say “good morning” in your most charming but very manly voice.

Monday is such a charm. Undeniably, it makes the rest of the week more than perfect.

I will trade every day of the week for my Mondays! 

One perfect day

Today, the sky is so clear

In the clouds we can disappear

Meet the sun and feel the morning fog

You make me high, like a miracle drug.

Or we can crash the ocean

Feel the cold waves in motion

Walk by the shore and lay bare on the sand

You make me shine, like a mid-day sun.

Or maybe jump off from a waterfall

Endure the splash as we tumble

Shout our hearts’ out fearlessly

You make me fly, like a doze of ecstasy.

Stroll along the boulevard at night

Desire the cold wind and watch the twilight

Grab my hand, my hips as we sway to the jazz

 You make me fire up, like an adrenaline rush.

Let’s get wild with the long-lost youthful energy

Clothes off, take a plunge into the freezing sea

Savor the moment, forget the uncertainty

You make me glow, like the bolster of electricity.

We wait for daybreak in the old wooden pier

Listen to the rage of waves from there

Close our eyes and relish this haven

You make me alive, like an oxygen.