You may have turned your back at me. You may have walked away from me. It  wasn't  one of those happy  days. I was motionless. I was bleeding. But the truth is, despite of it all, I will always remember those borrowed days. I wish you happy days. I have a feeling you will never forget those borrowed days as well.

The End

It was the saddest goodbye. 

You may not feel how deeply shattered I was when I saw your eyes speaking to me that what we should end our story. I saw it coming. I felt it. However, I was still holding on to that mantra of ours--to live by the moment. 

For you, I may be just another person who happen to pass by in your life. I may be just one of those persons who you feel you have an unspoken connection with. I may be just be one of those moments when you feel you are happier. 


It is a different story for me.

I maybe one of those persons who happen to pass by in your life. BUT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE SPECIAL TO ME. I AM JUST AROUND AND HERE TO STAY.

I may be just one of those persons who you feel you have an unspoken connection with. A CONNECTION THAT WILL LIVE.

I may be just one of those moments when you feel you are happier. MOMENTS THAT GIVE ME THE SWEETEST SMILES AND INCREDIBLY HAPPIEST TIMES.


Just may be. I still hope that we were in the same rhythm and playing the same song.

I admit, somehow I was ready for it. I was convincing myself all along that this is only just short-lived, a spur of the moment. It wasn't just another story. It wasn't just another relationship. I know somehow even how quick and how complicated it was, there was something that no one would understand. 

I didn't want you to see me wear my saddest face. I didn't want you to feel how sorrowful I was. I didn't want you to feel that I was bleeding.

Only if things were different.
Only if things were easier.
Only if those moments we lived by had its reply.

 You are wonderful. I thought you have to know that. 

Mondays

For many it is the most dreading day of the week. The day when you do not want your alarm clock to sound. The day when you want to hide your head inside your sheets and cover your ears with pillows. The day when you wish weekend is not yet over.

However, I have a different take on Mondays.  I love the day after Sunday. I love even just the thought of it. The excitement it brings me is unfathomable especially when Sunday sun sets in.  

When the Monday daylight touches my skin, my eyes brighten and the corners of my mouth slightly curve. Smile. Beam. Smirk.  So obvious.

I love Mondays because it is when the most anticipated morning hello from someone that I have waited for the longest day has finally awakens me up.  I love Mondays because when my phone rings I know you have also waited for Monday to say your sweetest hello. I love Mondays because even just in the messages you send with smiley icons, I can already imagine your bewitching grin and captivating stare-the one that drives you to wake up despite the early hour. I love Mondays because it reminds me of those mornings when you turn your body towards me, stare at my face then say “good morning” in your most charming but very manly voice.

Monday is such a charm. Undeniably, it makes the rest of the week more than perfect.

I will trade every day of the week for my Mondays! 

One perfect day

Today, the sky is so clear

In the clouds we can disappear

Meet the sun and feel the morning fog

You make me high, like a miracle drug.

Or we can crash the ocean

Feel the cold waves in motion

Walk by the shore and lay bare on the sand

You make me shine, like a mid-day sun.

Or maybe jump off from a waterfall

Endure the splash as we tumble

Shout our hearts’ out fearlessly

You make me fly, like a doze of ecstasy.

Stroll along the boulevard at night

Desire the cold wind and watch the twilight

Grab my hand, my hips as we sway to the jazz

 You make me fire up, like an adrenaline rush.

Let’s get wild with the long-lost youthful energy

Clothes off, take a plunge into the freezing sea

Savor the moment, forget the uncertainty

You make me glow, like the bolster of electricity.

We wait for daybreak in the old wooden pier

Listen to the rage of waves from there

Close our eyes and relish this haven

You make me alive, like an oxygen.

 

Getting ahead

Pathetic inday is OVER!!

say hello tomorrow!!

Im starting my Post graduate studies, Masters in Foreign Service at the Lyceum of the Philippines University this first of September. After 3 weeks of searching for a place, at long last I found what I consider my new redemption place for the next months. I got a new Bicolana roomate. Mastering my tagalog is difficult, i must admit. I couldn't just laugh without explaining to her why. I tend to talk to her in bisaya. I think i have to overcome my being claustrophobic since my new dormitory is depriving us from air and sunlight though at the cost of 3,200 php i get to watch the daily news, telenovelas and studio 23. Yes, we have our own telly courtesy of our landlords. Oh, i forgot to mention we have a 10hr use of airconditioner and exclusive rights to my tornado fan. A relief I must say.

Now, im all set for school. I just need a job.

Im in a new world order again! All the luck to me!!

I hate this part right here

Fast forward.

I don’t want to get into the gory and depressing details. Yes, I haven’t fully recovered. I'm giving myself time to heal. There is no deadline as to when to stop getting senti.

For weeks, my recovery mechanism was tanduay or the bar. Tagays with banot, ate che and holden started as early as 4 in the afternoon till the wee hours. I get to sleep soundly without hiding in the bathroom, turn on the faucet so no one would hear me and pour out my tears. Alcohol has somehow helped me not to get too emotional, not to pity myself, not to listen to love songs, not to watch sappy movies and not to read his letters. Lonely nights without the liver-killer would only make me stare at my ceiling, talk to my pillow and try to grasp the reality. I cried alone, cried with friends, cried over meal, cried watching the news and even cried taking a shower. Then I found out that getting drunk makes me emotionless.

If you've checked my Friendster account lately, my pictures would tell you that I have moved on, or I seem cheerful and enjoying life. Drinking. Laughing. Somehow, I managed to fake it. The old Jef has come to life again. I admit, I missed the fun, I missed myself. But when I am alone and when the effects of alcohol fade, magtanga nalang si Inday.I wish I will not have to go through with this "thinking stage". It sucks!

I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I don’t want them bombarding me with questions on what happened to my marriage. I don’t want them asking me what I will do next. I just don’t want to. I'm still in the process of healing, of grasping the idea of this melancholy. I am not ready to share everything yet because it still hurts. It still hurts revealing my tale when it doesn’t have a happy ending- yet!

So here I am trying to be better. Thankfully, I have an incredible support system. You keep my sanity in place. Thank you is not enough to show how much I appreciate your constant reality checks, counseling and for crying with me. You make healing faster. You make me realize that I am stronger than I thought.

At present, Inday is taking one step at a time.

starstruck

There's a rumor going in town. Celebrities namely Pauleen Luna, Sheryll Fuentes, Dingdong Dantes, and of course the bisdak Max Surban (i dont know how to spell his name) will be here in Sindangan.

My uncle, General Alexander Yano, who will be retiring from the army general post along with other military officials will sponsor a medical outreach drive here in my beloved hometown. This is in line with the PMA's anniversary. (FYI: he is a native Sindanganon!)

Who would expect that Dingdong Dantes will render his perfectly sculptured body to help in the said medical mission or the least please my fellow Sindanganons.

Of course, i was bewildered. Especially when they will be staying in my house!! What???? Yes, you may think im just making a fuss, i understand. It sounds too good to be true. But a reliable source of mine-that is my uncle-called up and asked if they can stay for a night here. Sa way pag two-by-two, i said YES!!!! Why not coconut?

I'm willing to do "operation linis" just to accommodate them. My two aunts here (nicknamed the big and small) are very excited. They said they don't mind disinfecting the house just to see Dingdong. They clearly emphasized Dingdong! Oh well, I don't blame them.

Our house will be fully booked since other generals from the army will be staying here too. Apparently, our house will be the new soldiers' haven, surrounded by men with uniform. How cool is that! or scary since I'll be seeing goons in every corner.

Just a month ago army officials stayed here too. No exagerration, our house was the nth infantry batallion headquarter. It was literally jampacked with soldiers not to mention the other 20 something soldiers guarding our house. It was cool though knowing that you are safe even from irong buang.

However, there is no confirmation yet if the 12th sexiest man in the world will spend a night in Sindangan. So most probably he will leave as soon as his duty ends.

So, I don't have high hopes welcoming him in my house. What I know is the bisaya novelty singer, Max Surban , will definitely stay here.

I just wish di masayang among panglimpyo!!!!